Beauty of the Mountain Avens
by Evil Kitten1
Summary: Relationships have always been complicated subjects in Emil's life, so he writes diaries to wash his anger away when his brother dates an annoying Dane. As time goes by, Emil starts to feel personally close to Lukas's mysterious Swedish friend... Chapters have been re-edited
1. Change of Life and the Newcomer

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya!

EDIT 15/08/2012: I toned down the sexual themes in this fic, so don't be mad at me. Plus I made a few minor changes as well as changing Iceland's human name to Eirík, since it's a pretty popular fanon-name for him.

_**EDIT 18/03/2015**__**: I changed Emil's name to Eirík, thanks to suggestions from a fellow fanfic-fan mentogum. Also, I made Berwald talk more properly. No more replacing vowels with apostrophes!**_

Eirík = Iceland

Lukas = Norway

Matthias = Denmark

Berwald = Sweden

Oh, and thanks for the positive reviews on the pilot version of this story! I really loved them xxx

* * *

><p>Dear Diary…<p>

My name is Eirík. I'm 16 years old and I'll soon be starting High School. But it won't be in Norway like my big brother Lukas promised because he was made redundant from his job and he won't have the money to send me to school.

Lukas isn't a bad person. He's seriously annoying sometimes in his own way. He's just always so CALM about stuff! When he came home and told me that the company he worked for went bust, he just said it with an expressionless face and dropped a letter in the bin. When he was upstairs showering, I rifled through the rubbish and looked at the crumpled piece of paper. Among all the jargon shit, it basically said that the boss of the company was arrested for money laundering and the company was actually built on the dirty money he used. Scary part was that he was laundering money to terrorists in the Middle East and my brother could've been arrested because he worked for the bastard, but thankfully he wasn't.

It's the holidays right now so I have plenty of time to find a job and pay for my own education. I just couldn't bear the thought of Lukas struggling to get money together just for me. I just…

Hold on, I can hear Lukas calling for me from upstairs.

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

Things just got freaking worse! When I went upstairs, Lukas just sat on the bed wearing a bathroom robe. His hair was dripping wet but his face didn't change, except it looked scarily serious.

"You know how we're going to have problems with money, right?" he started. I nodded, not saying anything. I was mentally planning to stick to my plan of getting myself a job.

"Well… Do you remember Matthias from Denmark?" he asked and I groaned.

"No freaking way! NO!" I yelled. "Do you remember what he was like when he lived with us? He hit you!"

"That was just the alcohol talking," Lukas dismissed me with a neutral expression. "Anyway, I called him and he said he'll-"

"No, he is NOT going to live with us!" I ranted. "He'll drink our money away and leave us on the street!"

It's true. He was always abusive to Lukas when he goes drinking. He has a SERIOUS drinking problem!

"He never hit you," Lukas said.

"That's because you defend me!"

"He wouldn't hurt you. He knows you're a nice kid."

"I kicked his arse!"

Yeah, I literally kicked his butt one Christmas party and he was really mad. He didn't show his madness, but I could see it boiling deep down… He's a violent man once he drinks alcohol.

"He's coming over first thing tomorrow so he could live with us. We were planning to move in together for some time anyway," Lukas said.

I groaned. "If he's coming here, then I'm moving out!"

"He's bringing a couple of friends over too, so we should tidy the place up more," Lukas said and stood up. "…Oh, and hide your manga, because we don't want Matthias knowing you like boys." A very light smile plays on his face as his eyes seem to lighten up. "He might get ideas involving you and me."

I stomped out the room and slammed the door hard enough to shake the house.

So now I'm sitting on my puny bed, writing away. They said at school that writing is a good way of expressing your anger. But how can it make me feel better if I'll never show this stupid thing to anyone?

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

I guess having a diary is a good idea. I didn't feel so angry after writing yesterday…

Breakfast was normal, Lukas spent most of yesterday cleaning up, then I hid all my manga under my bed in a cardboard box which I sellotaped shut and I wrote "READ THESE AND YOU DIE!" on it. I have normal manga… but I also have shojo-ai and shounen-ai… but having those doesn't mean I LIKE guys! I find girls attractive! After a while of tidying my room, I just vacuumed every floor in the house. It's been ages since we had someone come around to do the housecleaning, but Sophia (our former next door neighbour) got re-married. She was pretty. She was really tall and her hair was long and whispy, making her look like she has a halo of gold. Too bad she got married to some boring businessman. So since she left, I did the housecleaning and Lukas accepted my cleaning as a force of habit. I just don't like it when things are unorganised because it's annoying.

Not as annoying as Matthias Kohler, who walked into the house shouting "LUKAS~! EIRÍK~! I MISSED YOU GUYS!" even though we were just in the next room. He walked in wearing a stupid long black coat and a ridiculous hat that's propped lopsided constantly.

Lukas stood up to greet him (by saying his usual "Hi." as if he only saw him a day ago) and Matthias just grinned greatly as if Lukas announced he was made Prime Minister of Norway. God, everything Lukas says he gets Matthias grinning! It's like he doesn't know how to act NORMAL.

And E-W-W! Matthias just scooped Lukas up and kissed him, tilting his head back like they do in the movies! Bleh! His hand reached down and touched Lukas's butt… I huffed angrily and keep on writing in this…

"Don't you want one too, Eirík?" the Idiot asked, grinning, and then Lukas slapped him upside the head and he let him go, laughing.

While they talked (Matthias did all the talking) I doodled pictures of Matthias being hanged over a river by a creaky tree. They're just crappy stick figures…

"Where's Berwald?"

"He's out in the car!"

"Aren't you going to help him, Matthias?"

"He's strong! He can handle anything!"

"I'll help him."

Matthias and Lukas both stared at me when I said that. I just wanted to get out of there before any stupid arguments start.

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

Berwald Oxenstierna. That's the name of Matthias's friend. He's a weird guy. He doesn't say much at all. He's even quieter than Lukas and he's REALLY tall. I guess it's no surprise that when I went outside to help him carry stuff, he was already holding 4 suitcases without breaking a sweat. He gave me a long look before walking past into the house, where I heard Matthias yelling out something and Berwald grunted in response. I just shut the boot of the car and locked it.

When I got back inside, the suitcases were already taken upstairs to Lukas's room. I growled at the thought of those two cuddling each other while I'm in my freezing room. The windows in my bedroom weren't double-glazed so there's a constant cold draught. In the old days, Lukas allowed me to crawl into his large bed and we'd just hug each other under the thick blankets. I didn't do it as often when I turned 15 since a lot of teens DON'T sleep with their guardians/parents, but it was a secret of our own. But I know that from tonight onwards I'll just wear extra clothes in the comfort of my own bed. Whoopee-fucking-do.

So right now we're all sitting by the fire, chatting (Matthias talking away) and nodding politely (Berwald) and having snappy replies (mostly Lukas) or being the quiet one (me).

"What are ya writin'?"

I jumped a little and looked to my side. Berwald sat there with a straight expression. He doesn't seem interested.

"Just a journal," I replied dully. At least small talk is better than nothing.

"Hmm." Was all he 'said' before turning to Lukas. "I better get going. It's getting dark." Sure enough, the sun was sinking in the distance behind some mountains.

"You can stay for the night," Lukas suggested. "The sofa can unfold into a bed. We won't mind."

Of course, saying 'we' meant me and Lukas. Although I didn't agree to Lukas going out with that annoying Dane, I didn't exactly fly over the moon when Berwald shrugged and mumbled; "Thanks."

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

Ugh… I forgot how cold my room gets at night. The skies outside are clear and beautiful thanks to all the stars, but it was also very windy. I need to get outta here. I'll sit in front of the fire before it dies down completely…

Oh wait, I forgot that Matthias's 'good friend' Berwald is sleeping downstairs for the night. I don't feel like talking to anyone at the moment. I sighed. Maybe I'll just grab a carton of milk, drink up, think about the past 24 hours and then go to bed and wallow in my cold bed.

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

You wouldn't believe Berwald. He's not as quiet as I thought. When I went downstairs and walked past the living room, he was talking into his mobile. He had a smile on his face. I stopped and listened, surprised that he can smile. I guess he isn't a total robot after all.

"…It's great to hear that. Eduard's spoilin' ya too much."

A giggly voice was heard from the mobile. They spoke. Berwald nodded, still smiling. "You should just get married or somethin'…" He suddenly paused. I held my breath, thinking he heard my low breathing, but then he said, "well, I wish you happiness…"

I sighed slowly in relief. I walked to the kitchen as quietly as I can and I grabbed some milk from the fridge and gulped it all down. It's a big sacrifice to have my bare feet freezing off against the cold floor, but at least I got my milk.

But then I didn't realise until I shut the door of the fridge that someone (most likely Matthias) re-arranged the alphabet fridge magnets into a sentence saying: "EiríkxFridge." I frowned and re-read it in the dim light from the moon outside before I groaned lowly and faceplanted my hand. Matthias. I quietly wondered if he was dropped on his head as a baby.

I threw the empty milk carton into the bin and walked past the living room, trying not to look in there in case Berwald saw me. Not that I cared or anything. The milk works on me since I started to feel drowsy and I climbed the stairs…

Oh my god I don't know if I should really write stuff down… But… I feel mentally scarred.

I walked past the door of Lukas's room and I heard weird noises. Okay, if I could go back in time I'd carry on walking, but the door was slightly ajar and I went to peek…

Groaning. Lukas's groan.

I panicked, thinking that Matthias was hurting Lukas, but I didn't run in when I heard him cry out "more".

I looked. My heart leaped and dropped. I don't know how to describe it.

My stomach was just churning at the noises. I knew what they were doing, I'm not dumb, I never done it before, but I never expected to see them like this. I never expected to see Lukas looking so vulnerable (as he lay below Matthias in their bed, cheeks flushed pink and eyes shut with his wrists pinned above his head) when he was always tall and strong in my eyes.

I don't know why I stood there, eyes as big as fucking dinner plates. I just watched like some stupid pervert. I would've hissed at my own stupidity and turn around to run to my room, slam the door shut, lock it, barricade it, hide myself in my bed with this diary as company and not EVER look at ANYONE in the eye… but when I did turn to walk away, my fists were just shaking so much from clenching that I felt my nails bite into the skin, causing them to bleed. I didn't feel any pain. I was too… angry. And upset.

I rarely cry. But I do cry more than Lukas in my lifetime. Right now, they were steaming hot as they ran down my cheeks. My body shook so much; I couldn't tell if it's cold or hot. I don't know why I'm so upset that they're having such a great time-

"Eirík?"

I sniffed and turned around in surprise. Berwald was by the stairs, frowning. He glanced at Lukas's bedroom door and… I think he grunted. His grunt sounded furious and turned back to me. I can't tell if he was mad at me for being up this late (I'm not a kid.) But then his eyes looked different. There was something that I never noticed before in those eyes of his. They weren't narrowed in anger or suspicion… but they seemed sad and… open-minded? No, it was sympathy. What the hell does he want to sympathise about with me?

"Don't look at me like that!" My voice was meant to come out as furious, but it was cracked and broken and more tears ran down my cheeks. I turned and ran towards my room before slamming the door behind me and locking it.

Right now, I just couldn't sleep. Even the milk wasn't working and I'll be damned if I had to go back downstairs and possible face anyone after seeing Matthias and Lukas going at it tonight. I don't know who to kill. Maybe I'll kill myself or cut myself because when my nails cut my skin, the pain was soon over. But this stupid swirl of emotions in my head were killing me longer, spinning around like a stupid noisy washing machine with Lukas's cries and me yelling at Berwald.

Outside, the sun was creeping up. But I did NOT sleep a wink. Today's gonna be a load of shit if I'm tired. If I was a girl, people will say I'm on a period. Except I'd kill them on the spot.

I just wanna crawl under my bed and die slowly. Lukas was everything in my life. I don't get why he'd have to suck up to that Danish bastard. And Berwald! He's really weird! I don't get why he looked at me as if he's feeling sorry for me! What does HE know about me? I don't give a crap about anyone or anything! I just don't care anymore!

Eirík.


	2. Saying The Wrong Thing

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya

A/N: And one more note: Eirík starts his diary entries with "Dear Diary" while Berwald starts his with "Dear Journal…"

Ok, enjoy! ^.^

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

If you jump out of a 2nd floor window, is death instant or do you suffer with pained broken limbs and wish again and again for your life to end?

No, I wasn't considering any of that, but I was awake the whole night, thinking about Matthias and Lukas. It felt so alien seeing them having… sex together. Okay, so I know how the whole sex stuff works, but in Sex Education classes, I never really paid attention because the girls giggle and the boys laugh at every picture until it drove our teacher to insanity of our immatureness. I just listen to all the cool guys who brag about the people they hook up with and also it was in the manga that I read every so often. That's beside the point! I just got to get out of here, ignore Lukas and everyone else and-

Someone just knocked. Hold on while I panic and make another stupid mistake…

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Journal.<p>

Nothing much has happened, except for Matthias being annoying as usual, bragging about how much Lukas really loves him as I drove the car to his place yesterday. He bounded towards the house and went inside seeing as it was unlocked. He shouted back to me about the suitcases, but I was already getting them out of the car boot.

It was easy carrying 4 suitcases (3 of them are Matthias's) and a young boy walked out the house and stared at me. I knew it's Eirík, seeing as he looked a little like Lukas. He was only mentioned once to me by Lukas some time ago when he said he lost his job and he called for Matthias to reconcile with him for help.

The boy intrigues me. While Matthias was chatting away, Eirík just wrote away in his notebook with a look of concentration that I would use while illustrating my manga and block out all outside noises.

"Just a journal." He says when I ask him what he's writing about. I didn't ask him anymore questions. Eirík seems like an interesting person.

Later on when it got dark, Lukas was kind enough to allow me to stay and sleep on the sofa bed for the night. Eirík seemed dismayed at the idea, already having to deal with Matthias getting back together with his older brother. It seemed ironic that as soon as I wanted Matthias out of my own home in Sweden, he moves away but then it causes someone else to get mad.

So after they all got upstairs to turn in for the night, Tino called my mobile.

He said he was getting married. To Eduard.

My heart dropped, but I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I didn't expect to get the call so suddenly.

Instead of turning the phone off straight away, I remembered about my past with Tino and smiled sadly, wishing him the best. In response, Tino delightedly thanked me and my heart beat faster, but it stung my eyes.

I'm going to have to stop writing and get some sleep because I'm driving back to Sweden tomorrow…

Berwald.

* * *

><p>Dear Journal.<p>

I heard an odd noise earlier like somebody climbing the stairs. I got out of the sofa bed and crept up the stairs, listening to some soft noises and moans.

The sight I saw disgusted me.

I was by the top of the stairs, but I could clearly see Eirík standing by Lukas's room with a terrified look on his paling face. His hands were curled tightly and his eyes were widened.

I was going to ask him if he was alright when I heard some noises from Lukas's room that sounded like Matthias and Lukas…

I wanted to kill Matthias for being so loud.

When there was silence, I made my move. I said Eirík's name out softly and he swiftly looked up at me with a panicked face. His eyes were glassy. My heart lurched.

"Don't look at me like that!" He spat out and turned and ran.

After that, Lukas walked out of his room wearing a bedroom robe and he glanced down the corridor just as Eirík's bedroom door slammed shut.

"Eirík?" he whispered and peered towards me through the semi-darkness. He didn't recognise me.

"No, it's Berwald," I murmured.

We didn't say anything, but I just walked back downstairs to go sleep in the sofa bed. Instead of sleeping, I just wrote in here.

I felt sorry for Eirík to see his brother in such a situation earlier. But I could tell he didn't like me feeling for him. Maybe I'll have a talk with him if Lukas doesn't say anything.

Berwald.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

The crack of dawn's ass split to the sky and bright sunlight filled my bedroom.

Yeah. The start of another bad day. And if you think it's just bad, then it just worse for me.

BERWALD.

Yeah. HE was the one who knocked on my bedroom door.

Despite my resolution to keep the door closed until I die, I opened it. Maybe Berwald is a closet serial killer who takes boys in their beds before murdering them horribly.

But instead, I let him into my room and he sat at the end of the bed and stared at my eyes.

"Ya didn't sleep well," he started and I huffed.

"Of course. I was too busy having nightmares of Matthias hurting Lukas."

"Sex doesn't have to hurt…"

That bowled me over. "Then why did Lukas have to yell so loud?" I asked through gritted teeth. I don't care if he thinks I'm a brat for asking these questions.

Berwald then FIDGETED with his glasses as if he were uncomfortable. "That's because… he probably enjoyed it. Very much."

I know it wasn't my place to talk about Lukas and his sexual activities (even though last night was the first time I seen AND heard him having sex with Matthias) but Berwald didn't say anything to discourage me. I could say anything.

I laughed coldly. "Yeah, he missed having that Danish idiot's dick so he calls him over out of the blue to make him feel better and forget that he has me, his family."

"Lukas called him because you're both in trouble with money," Berwald's deep voice changed its tone a little. His eyes seem to tint through his glasses. "You two were in trouble and Lukas didn't call Matthias just for sexual gratification. He needed help so that you two don't end up homeless."

I knew that much. I didn't believe the part about Matthias helping out with money problems. I dunno. Maybe he threw it all away on alcohol. Or he WILL throw it away on alcohol.

Berwald then stood up. His head almost touched the lightshade hanging of the ceiling. "Just give Matthias a chance. He may be annoyin', but he is a nice guy deep down."

I smiled involuntarily. He just called Matthias 'annoying'…

He quipped a small smile before leaving.

Alright, so Berwald isn't as bad as I thought. Maybe things won't be so bad… but I'll have to give Matthias more of a chance. And then I realised how immature I was being. Maybe Lukas and Matthias realise how much they missed each other and then let their passions run wild… yeah… it could be me one day.

YEAH RIGHT!

I better go eat. It may be early, but I think I hear Lukas and Matthias walk down the stairs because of the Dane chattering away…

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

I couldn't say I hated breakfast, but now that Matthias is around, it's going to be unbearable. After breakfast, things went rolling downhill after I said one little thing…

We all sat around the table after Lukas served us our breakfast and Matthias did NOT shut up for more the 10 seconds. I thought my brain was going to dribble out of my ears from his constant yapping. He yapped on that much, I couldn't tell what he was talking about in the first place.

Lukas just nodded and replied with monosyllable answers before going back to eating his breakfast. Berwald sat next to me, just eating quietly. I stared at him as he ate. His glasses glowed lightly thanks to the sunlight that filtered through the window of the kitchen. He stopped and turned to see what I was looking at. He didn't say anything. I immediately turned to my plate and ate the last piece of my toast before I got up and picked up my empty plate. "Thanks, Lukas, I'll do the washing up."

Lukas just nodded in reply. I think he's doing that automatically since Matthias was blabbing on and on about some band called 'Nephew'.

I… don't feel like writing and describing about my washing-up duties since it's pretty pointless as I do that every day anyway, but then Berwald surprised me. When I piled some washed plates and cups on the side, he appeared by my side, rolling up his sleeves and grabbing a cloth.

"What are you doing?"

"Helpin' out," he said with a shrug and picked up a wet plate and began wiping it dry.

"You're a guest. You don't have to."

He tilted his head back towards the table; Lukas and Matthias were quiet. I turned around, but Berwald shook his head, looking like he was agonising deep down. I still looked, only to see Matthias giving Lukas a kiss. It's kinda like a kiss you'd see in a movie. I looked back at Berwald. Even though he doesn't say much and his expression is pretty much the same as always, I could tell he's giving me a 'I told you not to look' look. I stuck my tongue out at him and went back to washing some glass tumblers. His lips turned up a little. "Weird kid."

I spluttered on my own spit and glared at him. "What did you just say!"

"What's wrong?" Lukas asked, appearing behind me so quietly I nearly screamed.

"AGH! Don't do that!"

"Hey, he's just worried about ya!" Matthias appeared next to me and threw an arm around my shoulder. He grinned at Berwald. "Is the nasty ol' Swede scaring ya? I'll prove how deep my love for Lukas is and protect his little brother from the scary monster~!"

"You already proved it last night," I huffed without thinking.

Then we have a deathly silent atmosphere. The only sounds were my own breathing, my pounding heart and the chinking of the glass tumblers as I washed them carefully (and more slowly) in the hot soapy water.

"Can I talk to you when you're finished washing?" Lukas's voice asked me. It sounded like his usual indifferent tone of voice, but with the background silence, it sounded ominous. The glass tumblers in the sink were shivering and clattering nervously together because of my quivering hands. "I'll want to talk to you outside on the veranda. In private…"

Matthias didn't groan and complain about wanting to come along, but I felt his arm being pulled off my shoulders. I'm not sure what Berwald is thinking, but he only watched us.

So right now, I'm sitting outside staring at the small garden we looked after for ages. We only got a green lawn and a few shrubs, but we got no flowers. Flowers die too easily in this cold climate and we don't have time for looking after any… I actually like flowers. This is a little clichéd, but my favourite is the Mountain Avens…

I got to go. Lukas is here.

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

Lukas… really surprises me. But now because of an argument we had, I'm cold and lonely…

When we sat down on the bench outside the house, he turned and put his hands on my shoulders and looked in my eyes. He was frowning.

"Eirík, I'm sorry that you saw me and M-"

"No, you don't have to say anything. I've seen it. I'm disgusted and it makes me feel sick just thinking about it!" I felt so angry. I remembered last night again and again, refreshed thanks to hearing and seeing Lukas right in front of me.

Lukas didn't let go of my shoulders. "You'll think different when you're older." Yes, he DID say that. "Whatever happens between me and Matthias is none of your business, but he is going to help us out with our money problems so we don't end up in the gutter and you won't be dropped out of high school."

"I still hate him…" I mumbled. "It's like you WORSHIP the very ground he walks on…"

"It's not like that."

"Shut up!" I ranted and stood up. "I'm your brother! Your only family left! Did you forget what happened to our parents to land me in your care? They'd want you to keep me close to you!"

His gaze darkened as he stood up. "Did you think I forgot how mangled their bodies were? Did you think I'd abandon you for Matthias? If I did think that, I'd left you a long time ago. I love Matthias, but I love you too. I can't leave one of you without feeling sick. If you're going to hate me because of Matthias, then just move out or something."

And then I just pushed past him and grabbed a coat and then ran out the front door. Matthias and Lukas shouted my name, but I just ran and ran down the street past early-morning shoppers and commuters.

I didn't think of where to go. I just ran and panted hard, trying not to cry. The air was chilly and it felt like ice was growing in my lungs at every breath I took. I only stopped when I got as far as the park, which would've been a 30 minute journey by foot, but somehow I made it there in 10 minutes. And then I found an empty bench and sat down and rested for a few moments to catch my breath. When I did that, I just pulled this diary out and wrote, but it was difficult. My hands felt like blocks of stone and I couldn't even hold my pen properly because I was shaking that much. I don't know what from, but I couldn't relax no matter how much breaths I took… I wished I brought my gloves with me, or even a scarf to wrap around my hands. My jacket was useless in this weather. It's too thin. Why does the weather in Norway have to be so damn cold all the time?

But now I argued with Lukas, I felt too stupidly scared to go back and face him. I needed to talk to someone I know, but I don't have my mobile with me and all the guys I know at school live too far away or they are all on holiday to Spain or whatever sunny country is popular with students right now… There's no way in hell I could go back and talk to Matthias in private. He's annoying AND noisy, plus he'll yell my name and call Lukas over. Lukas is the last person I want to talk to… Berwald… I don't even know him well. He may be the strong, quiet type, but he could secretly be as traitorous as Lukas.

I'm alone.

I shivered.

My eyes stung.

I lifted my knees so I could rest my diary on them or at least get some warmth…

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Journal.<p>

Eirík ran away. Lukas had a word with him outside in the garden, but then a while later I heard him raise his voice and then Eirík burst into the corridor and grabbed a coat without saying anything. I noticed he was blinking a lot to hold back tears before he left.

Lukas ran besides me and shouted up the stairs for Matthias to come downstairs and stop eavesdropping on people, but nobody asked or told me what happened. Then I just put on my coat too and I glanced at Lukas, who gave me a wordless nod before I ran out the door and got into my car.

I drove around the main roads looking for Eirík's mop of silvery-blonde hair, but there are a few people here who have the same Scandinavian features as he did. It only took me 5 minutes to scout the places he could've gone to, though I was missing the park which was near the edge of the city. I quickly looked for a parking space and got out and searched the place, but there was nobody around. I eventually found him sitting on a park bench, hugging his knees and shaking like a rusty leaf.

His head snapped up and glared at me with glassy eyes, but I just sat down next to him. He sniffed.

"What do YOU want? Did Lukas send you to find me? Tell him to go suck some balls or something…" he murmured. He tried to sound threatening, but his voice cracked.

I reached over to rest a hand on his shoulder and his glare steeled as his body stiffened, but he didn't brush it off.

"I don't know why you have to be sympathetic," he growled. "You never lost a brother to someone else they're in love with!"

And then I remembered my phone call last night and my chest ached. "No… but I have lost someone I loved."

Eirík didn't say anything, but instead moved closer to me. He moved close until he was pressed against my side and I wrapped my arm around his body. He was trembling. It was like holding an ice cube with a bare hand.

"You're cold," I mumbled into his hair. It reminded me of a warm spring morning.

"No shit, Sherlock," he bowed his head and his hand clawed at the hem of my coat. "I was here for what, 10 or 20 minutes?"

"You run fast to get this far."

"Yeah. Lukas says I'm a good runner. But I think it's stupid."

"What's stupid?"

"Being able to run fast. I don't want it. There are losers at my school who couldn't run for toffee, so they could have my speed."

I chuckled a little and he lifted his head to glare at me. "What's so funny about that?"

"You got something that other people want," I started, "but family and the love you feel for them will never be transferred to anyone else. You can't ever give your love for your family away to someone else because you're born with that love for your brother."

His eyes widened and stared me in surprise.

"…Even if you get into one petty argument, you can't ever forget how much you really love your brother. He knows that too. He loves you too – he'll even give up loving Matthias just to be with you, but right now, he needs financial help so that you two could stay together." I finished.

Eirík's amethyst-purple eyes stared at me. He was that shocked his mouth hung open. I closed it with my free hand. His cheeks flared pink and he pulled out of my arm, huffing as he stood up quickly. "Let's j-just home… I want to go apologise to Lukas…" He shivered violently and whimpered. "I forgot how cold it gets…"

Without saying a word, I took off my coat and put it over his shoulders. He blinked and looked up at me, but he didn't say anything.

As we walked back to my car, I noticed he stopped walking and I turned to see him standing there. His breaths came out in icy puffs of steam.

"Why did you come for me and not Lukas?" he asked. He seemed reluctant to ask.

"I just thought that ya needed help," I answered. It's true. Lukas may be Eirík's brother, but I don't think he knows the right thing to say sometimes. Lukas was always like that. He isn't tactless, but he can be blunt. With someone like Eirík who tends to think things over before saying them, it must be very annoying for him to have a brother like Lukas at the best of times. In a way, Eirík reminds me of myself…

"I didn't need help, but I could've just gave up sitting out here and then go home," Eirík said. "You could've just left me alone until I come back home…"

"I couldn't though, even though I could."

"That doesn't make sense. Just why?"

I trod through the thin sheet of snow until he was directly in front of me and he tilted his face up to meet my gaze. He's rather short despite having Scandinavian blood. The snow pales in comparison to his clear, flushed cheeks thanks to the chilly wind.

"Because you remind me of a Mountain Avens." His eyes widened and his breath hitched in surprise. "Mountain Avens flourish in spring when the snow melts because of the spring's warmth. You can only see the beauty of the Mountain Avens when they bloom…" I raised my right hand and rested it gently on Eirík's head. "…and mature."

He didn't say anything, but he raised his hand and rested it on mine. "…It's unfitting for me to be compared to a flower…"

I smiled slightly and he shivered with a small blush. "…But the Mountain Avens is a hardy flower, which is why I personally find it beautiful."

His long fingers of the hand resting on my hand curled tightly, holding it shakily. I didn't see his face as he hid it, but I could tell from feeling his grip that he was shaking all over, despite wearing my coat.

"…Yeah… thanks… Berwald…" he whispered and the light clouds of steam that wisped from between those pearl-pink lips rose gently and I watched it disappear into the bitter wind.

Berwald.


	3. Dreams and the Bathroom

Dear Diary

We got back home, Berwald and I. It literally just turned noon when we walked through the front door. I could tell because the clock hanging in the living chimed and the cuckoo popped out of it chirpily.

I don't really want to talk about what happened between me and Berwald at the park… but I think I got a crush on him. I never felt like this around anyone before. I don't think its love, but I just feel like I could trust him. Yeah, I can trust Lukas too, but it feels different with Berwald, even though we only just met.

I just feel like slamming my head against the wall. I feel so stupid! I only ran out to go to the park to clear my head, but then HE had to follow me and he even put his coat around me as if I'm his girlfriend!

Maybe he does have a girlfriend and he wanted me to make a fool out of myself!

I could hear loud footsteps running down the stairs and into the living room where me and Berwald are sitting in silently. We didn't speak to a word to each other since we got back or since he made me blush…

"Eirík," Lukas said breathlessly as if he ran a marathon. He stalked over and suddenly hugged me tightly. "Where did you go? I'm so glad you're back."

Bear in mind that Lukas isn't the type to show his emotions, but his voice expresses his emotions instead of his expressions. I could tell he's been worried enough to sound as if he was crying… maybe he thought that life would be more simpler if Matthias never came back and Lukas got another job so we could stay together. But sadly, that wasn't the case.

"Where did you go?" Lukas asked when he pulled away from me and took his hands off my shoulders.

"Just the park," I mumbled. "Mr Oxenstierna looked for me instead of you."

"Thanks, Berwald," Lukas turned and said, to which he got a nod in acknowledgement. He turned back to me. "What if you got into an accident or killed you? How would I live properly with your death then?"

I just stared at him. It's normal for people to treat younger siblings as if they're babies when their carers or parents suddenly die, but this nearly… broke me in half. The last time he showed this much affection was when we got news of our parents… no, I'm not going to talk on.

I shrugged. "Matthias will be your source of comfort."

Suddenly, he shoved me angrily and I gasped as I hit the sofa, looking at his blazing eyes.

"Do you THINK I'm better off in someone's arms knowing that my only family was dead? Do you think I NEVER worry about you at all? And all these years, I thought I was doing a good job loving you enough for you to grow up to be a respectable young adult, but the way you're saying things now, maybe me giving you love is a massive waste of my life."

"Lukas, I-" I panicked and tried to interrupt.

"No." He hissed. Hearing a cobra hissing in your ear from behind sounded friendlier compared to Lukas right now is more favourable. "Eirík, hear me now. Mom and dad would want you to grow up and be everything you wanted to be, even if you want to turn impossible dreams into reality that can shake the world to its foundations, I swore I'd help you get far enough until you could take over on your own. It's true. They actually told me that we should help each other no matter what."

The ticking of the cuckoo clock took over the silence in the room. I stared on as the fire in Lukas's eyes eventually died down and our adrenaline slowed down. Now I feel like the most disrespectful arsehole in the world. I don't know what to say without Lukas flying off the handle again. I only stood up slowly and gulped quietly.

"I'm sorry, brother," I whispered. I thought I was too quiet, but his eyes flickered up at me. "I'm sorry. I never thought about those things. We never talked about them in years. I still think they're alive." Lukas frowned and he opened his mouth, but I carried on. "I only THINK they're still alive because they both live in on you. You act like Dad when we go out shopping while being stoic, and then you act like Mom when you want me to get on with my homework and studying… but I could only see you being yourself when you're sleeping. I try to see you as Lukas, but you just disappear into Mom or Dad and you only be yourself when Matthias is around…"

_I took me a while to remember what I said back then because I tried not to cry._

"So I guess I hate Matthias because he's as close to you as I am and he could see your true self…"

_I didn't even know why I hated Matthias. I only saw Lukas as my brother, yet he behaves how our parents would._

"…But just for once, even in moments when you're angry with me, I just want to see you being yourself. I just don't want anyone else to see what I see in you. I guess that's why you're precious to me." I finished.

Lukas's eyes glinted. Dad's famous navy-blue eyes stared back at me through glassy tears while Mom's small lips contracted into a small O-shape. His arms raised and I shut my eyes, expecting him to shove me again, but then his arms gently wrapped around me and pulled me into an embrace. He breathed in my hair. I nervously hugged him back, own heart beating loud enough for me to hear.

"What are you talking about?" he mumbled. "If anything, you're more like them."

"That's impossible. I'm albino-"

He hugged me tighter. "No. Not by looks. By heart."

I hugged him back, smelling his unique scent. It's the scent that only Lukas could carry.

If they were here, Mom and Dad would be crying. I can only be this close with Lukas and nobody else. We're stuck like glue. I could never be angry enough to actually sever myself from Lukas. I love him.

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Journal.<p>

It's sweet seeing Eirík and Lukas bond with each other. Lukas is aloof, but he only lets Eirík get close to him. Just like how Tino used to let me get close to him.

I nearly forgot. I need to write some reminders.

TO-DO:

-Buy Tino wedding gift

-Pack things up

-Not kill Matthias

-Call boss on manga

…

Right now, I made some drinks for Lukas and Eirík as they sat on the sofa watching TV. I don't think they noticed that their arms are around each other, but I don't want to interrupt their brotherly time. Especially since I shared some plans with Lukas this morning about Eirík's future that could change his life.

Berwald.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

I'm seriously thinking of running away. For the rest of the day, I stayed at home. Matthias came back covered in snow and he cheered when he saw me and he hugged me, but I complained and pushed him off. Lukas bluntly says that he's getting snow all over the carpet. I stormed off upstairs talking about showering.

But then…

Ngh… the door to the bathroom was only slightly open so I assumed nobody was in there and I took off my clothes and put on a dressing gown and walked in…

And BERWALD was in there, staring in the mirror while his hands clamped around the edge of the sink. His hair was soaked and sticking down over his forehead as water droplets clung to his skin like cool crystals on his flawless pale skin. I remember seeing some more droplets rolling down his cheeks even though it looked like he stopped showering a while ago. I think they were _tears_.

The stupid door creaked behind me and Berwald made a noise that sounded like a small gasp and he spun around. Even when he's wearing a towel around his waist, his muscled chest was still exposed… it's nothing like mine or Lukas's, his looked like how a logger's body would be built. Impressive. All the ladies will kill just to lie on those abs…

"Eirík?" He blinked. "Do you need the shower?"

How could he have asked that? Seriously? I stood there, wearing only a towel around my waist, and he just asks that? Something was really weighing his mind down enough for him to not realise how red I became.

"Uh… yes, I did… but… if you're busy…" I murmured and my face heated up. I looked away, trying not to imagine what his body looks like.

Then I heard him walk towards me and I gulped, going redder.

"I-I-I'll leave you to it!" I spun around on the spot, but that was a big mistake. As soon as I did that, thanks to the floor being slightly wet, I slipped and yelped in surprise as I fell over, but then someone's arm seized me by the waist. One moment I was falling, but then the next I heard a grunt as we landed on the bathroom floor. I opened my eyes to find myself staring at Berwald's eyes. I realised that he caught me and he landed back on the floor.

"Agh! Are you all right?" I panicked and sat up, but his arm was still around my waist and he held me down close to his body.

"…Are you okay?" I heard him murmur. I thought he hit his head hard. He was the one who obviously got hurt.

"I am, but what about you? You could've gotten a concussion!" I ranted. I moved my hands and rested them on Berwald's cheeks to turn his head, to see if there was any bleeding, but there wasn't any. I felt his breath on my neck. "Are you sure you're feeling all right? Maybe we should get your head checked." I grumbled and I tried to get up.

Before I explain any further, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

He stared up at me, the slightest hint of pink dusting his cheeks. The oddest thing about his expression was that his eyes were red-rimmed as if he was crying. That was what caught my attention the most, not the fact that I'm lying on him while we're both only wearing towels.

"Well, well, well!"

An arrogant voice piped up and we both glanced at the bathroom door to see Matthias leaning against the frame with a cocky grin.

"Eirík warms up quickly to strangers, doesn't he, Ber?"

I groaned like a woman and covered myself with my towel. Berwald had let go of me as soon as we heard the voice.

"This isn't what you think, you idiot! It was an accident!" I groaned.

"What was an accident?" he asked with the same shit-eating grin. "Oh! Do you mean not locking the door was an accident?"

I felt Berwald move to sit up and I immediately got off him. He turned and glared at Matthias with such intensity I thought it would burn holes into his retinas.

"Get out or I will kill you." He growled, but the annoying idiot raised an eyebrow and stood up straight, holding his hands in the air.

"Woah~ we got a badass over here!" Then he disappeared, no doubt readying himself to make a long steamy tale of lies to my brother.

I buried my face in my hands and I stood onto my feet and ran out.

So that's why I locked myself in my room and buried myself under the covers, wishing I could wilt away until I no longer exist. I've never been so fucking embarrassed in my life. I SO want to die right now so I won't have to see how my brother will react!

It was only late noon, but I feel tired. I don't know how I could be so tired after being caught lying on top of a gorgeous man- SCRATCH THAT! UGH! I wish I could wipe off pen! I should really use a pencil!

Fuck it. Nobody will dare read my diary. I'll just say it straight out.

Berwald is handsome. His body looks brilliant and his gaze is so-damn-sexy and when I felt his breath mix with mine when we got close, I just wanted to stay there and feel him against me. There. Happy now, stupid diary? Ugh I'm going to nap and hope that this is all a dream…

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Journal.<p>

I'm going to murder Matthias and burn his body beyond recognition and then erase forensic evidence.

I won't even want to write why.

Berwald.

* * *

><p>Dear Journal.<p>

Things have certainly turned stranger between me and Eirík.

I went to a spare room to completely dry myself off and then put on clean clothes and went downstairs to have a quick drink, but Matthias suddenly blocked my way to the kitchen. For once, he looked serious as his eyebrows were furrowed.

"Move out the way," I murmured darkly.

"Let me talk to you first…" Matthias stepped back and glanced at Lukas in the living room, who was reading a book. He looked at me and beckoned me to come into the kitchen with him. He shut the door once I was inside. I just silently ignored him as I got some chocolate powder out and a clean mug. "Okay, so what IS going on between you and Eirík?"

"Nothin'."

"Then why did I see you two being all CLOSE on the bathroom floor naked?" he tried not to grin and I tried not to throw the carton of milk I was holding at him.

"He fell and I caught him." I poured some milk into the mug. "But then he slipped and I fell over too."

"Ouch. Shouldn't we get your head checked?"

"I'm fine." I said sternly as I dropped a teaspoonful of chocolate powder into the milk. "I was more worried about him."

Matthias grinned. "Aww! The Big Bad Wolf has a soft spot for Little Red Riding Hood!"

I glared at him. "I don't feel anything for him. I still love Tino."

That stupid grin dropped. "Get over it. Tino's happy with someone else. He could make more memories."

I slammed the teaspoon in the sink, splashing the soapy water and it clanged at the plates in the water. I didn't say anything. I didn't need to.

I picked up the mug and I walked out the kitchen. I need to tell Eirík something anyway.

"Hey, wait! Ber!"

And that leads me to the part where I said things have gone stranger between me and Eirík.

I walked upstairs with the chocolate milk (forgot to mention I have a notorious sweet tooth) and I knocked on Eirík's door. No response. I tried again, but then I heard moans coming from inside the room. They were Eirík's moans. I heard him murmur my name again and again. I listened, wondering if he heard me.

"Eirík?" I called a bit loudly and knocked the door and then I heard some panting on the other side of the door. I really needed to get in there to make sure he's all right.

I swung the door swung open and he sat on the edge of the bed, red in the face and sweating all over. His clothes were rumpled as if he slept in them.

"What? What do you want?" he demanded as he hurriedly straightened his clothes out.

"I just wanted to see if you're all right…" I replied. He huffed and crossed his arms.

"Well I'm doing fine!" But his cheeks went even redder as his eyes weren't meeting mine. "I was just having a nap and sweet dreams to distract my mind!" His cheeks became more impossibly red. Something was up.

I raised an eyebrow in amusement. "You had an erotic dream."

It was like setting off an explosion. He instantly reacted and turned to meet my eyes, looking horrified.

"I DIDN'!" he yelled, but his blushes were telling me a different story. I rested a hand on his shoulder and he shut his eyes, whimpering.

"I'm not mad at you," I whispered and his eyes slowly cracked open to look at me. "I'm not mad at you for being on top of me earlier either. It was just an accident."

"Mnn…" he grumbled something but I couldn't hear him.

"Pardon?"

"Nevermind." He stood up to walk away, but I stopped him, holding out my drink to him.

"What's this for?" he asked me with a puzzled look, but he took the drink anyway.

"Just an apology for making you dream." I winked before walking away, silently bemused at the horrified look on Eirík's face.

Berwald.


	4. Two Life Choices, Family or Education?

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya!

A/N: Hey sorry it took long to upload this chapter… Also, there won't be many diary entries, there'll point of views as well.

* * *

><p><em>With Eirík.<em>

It's been a few weeks since my… interesting conversation with Berwald. I'll just explain the important things that happened in the time up until now.

Matthias moved in even though he says he has a house in Copenhagen already.

Berwald left soon after he gave me that chocolate drink.

But then Berwald came back to visit.

I had weird feelings for Berwald when he came back unexpectedly. Lukas and Matthias knew he was coming around, so I was REALLY surprised when he walked in on me in the kitchen. It was embarrassing, because I was wearing only my trousers and my torso was completely exposed. I remembered the bathroom incident and my face flashed impossibly red.

"Hello, Eirík," Berwald greeted nonchalantly.

"H-hello," I stutter, trying not to drop the plate I was washing. I turned to the sink to avoid eye contact and kept washing up the same dish again.

"I heard you're going to High School soon," Berwald commented.

"Yes, I am…" I murmured.

"Which one?"

"Just the local high school."

"Why?"

"It'll be easy on our finances…" I try to avoid talk about money with strangers. It just makes us seem pitiful. "Plus it looks laid-back…" and when I say that, I mean the school doesn't have a high pass rate for exam takers. Its reputation isn't very appealing.

"Did ya consider other high schools?" Berwald asked, leaning against the counter.

"I haven't. I just know the best one to go to is the local one. I can just walk down the road and it's there." I hear him take a breath.

"I've been talking to your brother about your education and how good your grades are from middle school…" I turned to look at him and stopped scrubbing the plate from being shinier than normal.

"What? How come?" I frown. My grades are pretty good, but I'm not perfect. Even so, they're not worth being conversation-starters. He looked at me.

"He is impressed by how well you're doing, and he says that you deserve to work even harder. So we discussed that you can come to live with me while you attend a good high school near where I live."

I stared at him. The sentence hasn't sunk in deeply enough yet into my conscious for me to register the fact that he wasn't joking.

"Eh…? But if Lukas thinks I'm doing good, then I'll just keep working harder when I go to the local high school." I chuckle nervously.

His expression remained the same however with the same look of seriousness behind a calm demeanour. "I wasn't joking… you can ask your brother yourself."

"So you weren't joking…" I still stared at him and I thought over the days when Berwald stayed with us, and when I fell on top of him while being half-naked and when I saw his genuine smile when he made that phone call to someone called Tino. Would I see and learn more about this man if I live with him? No. It sounds impossible. Me, living with a stranger (who only knew me through my brother) in another country while attending what sounds like a high-elite school? That IS impossible. That kind of thing only happens in stories. Romance ones.

He was still looking at me when I realised that I was quiet for god knows how long and he was waiting for a reply off me. "O-Oh, you WEREN'T joking… well… uh… I don't think brother would let me move away from home…"

"Mm. He said he liked the idea."

"But did he actually say that he approves of me moving out?" I spluttered. After all that talk about our parents days ago, I thought he'd be more overprotective than normal.

"He did. You can ask him about it."

Frustration bubbled up within me. I dropped the plate in the sink and snatched up a towel to wipe my hands as I stormed into the living room to find Lukas sitting on that Danish whore's lap, quietly reading a book.

"Lukas!" I started, glaring at him. "Why are you letting me live with Berwald!?"

Lukas looked up at me slowly with his neutral expression. "Ah. Berwald told you the news?"

"He did!" I ranted.

"What's the problem?"

"Aww he doesn't want to be alone without you!" Matthias chuckled, resting his chin on Lukas's head.

"It's not that!" I yelled hotly. "Lukas! You seriously don't mind me living with a stranger?!"

"Ouch! I know Ber is strange, but you didn't have to be rude!" Matthias laughed.

"Just shut up!" I shouted at him.

"Yes, I thought it'd be a good idea for you to live with Berwald," Lukas said calmly. "I've seen the high school where he went to. It's a really good place. Last time I checked, that place had a 99% pass rate for those who took exams."

99% pass rate? That's just amazing. That sounds like the kind of school where students have the incredible grades to go to any university they want after graduating. The teachers must be brilliantly qualified and professional. My heart skipped at the thought. Go to any university…. Any university in Norway? No, it could be any university in the whole _world_. Money wouldn't matter. Points from grades do when you want to take certain courses…

"But even so, it sounds like an elite school for the rich…" I mumbled. Lukas still looked at me.

"Money wouldn't matter. Berwald says he can pay for your teaching," he said simply just as Matthias kissed his head. "That is, if you want to go to that school. But you'll have to live with him if you do."

I spoke without thinking. "But couldn't I just travel back here at the end of the day…"

"You can't," Berwald appeared by my side. "It'll take us a few hours to get to my house from here, an' that's by train and airplane."

"I-I didn't mean that, I wasn't thinking…"

"Eirík… we're moving out from here anyway," Lukas said. This time he looked down slightly. He does that to hide his discomfort. I don't know if it's because that Dane is poking 'something' at him from behind, but then he explained. "Matthias has two bedrooms at his house. But the problem is: his house is in Denmark, at Copenhagen…"

Damn him! Why didn't he tell me this sooner?! Why doesn't ANYONE talk to me about these kind of things?!

"What do you want me to do about it?!" I ranted, gripping the hand towel tightly.

"Pick a choice," he grumbled. "You can either live with me and Matthias, or live with Berwald. But I just think you living with Berwald would be the best idea."

Just… no. I can't pick either. Family or excellent education?

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked quietly.

"I only just decided to move in with Matthias myself. Besides, now that I lost my job, I couldn't afford to keep this house…" Lukas sighed, and Matthias's expression softened and hugged him reassuringly. I never saw Matthias looking so caring. Or probably deeply happy that I might leave their love nest.

I bit my lip and looked at Berwald. He isn't saying anything against the choice of me staying with him. I turned to Lukas.

"Lukas…? I'm going to go think over this…"

"Take your time…" he muttered and turned, curling up in the Dane's lap to face away from me. I left the room without saying a word and charged upstairs to my bedroom and slammed the door shut, arguing with the choices in my head.

They're not really choices if I don't want any of them, but they're life decisions. Living with Berwald to go to that elite high school will give me a great benefit to my future, but I won't be able to see Lukas very often. If I stay with Lukas, I'll be around that annoying Dane all the time.

I just can't make my mind up… I don't know when I need to make the choice otherwise I'll be put on the spot at the very last minute. And I'll just do my most embarrassing habit: trying not to cry from the pressure.

I stayed up in my room for hours until it was night time. My stomach rumbled from being hungry, but I didn't want to be in the same room as anyone. But… after a while, my stomach settled and I just simply forgot that I was hungry because I was thinking so much about the choices.

Even though it was dark and late at night, I heard my door creak slowly but I was lying on my side away from it so I don't know who the intruder is. I stiffened when the bed sank a little under the weight and an arm wrapped around me comfortingly.

I don't know if this will be the last time I'll sleep in the same bed as Lukas, but as he buries his face in my hair my heart ached a little until I feel as if it's bleeding tears. It hurts. It hurts that I'm thinking more of moving away for a brilliant education knowing that moments like this will become rarer. I almost took back everything I thought of going with Berwald the more I feel Lukas's warmth spread through my body.

He murmured gently: "Goodnight little brother." And then he kissed my head. "I love you."

I didn't reply. I just turned my body a little so I can snuggle back into his chest to be more comfortable and shut my eyes, letting some hot tears flow down my cheeks. His gentle hand raised up and wiped my tears away silently, murmuring old songs softly until I feel asleep, dreaming of the past to escape the present and future.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry if I took REAAAALLY long to update this story for real. But I'm glad I'm back! ^_^

And… it's "that persons" birthday today, so I kinda made this chapter their present.

"I updated the story, I hope you like this chapter. I know we're not together anymore, but don't get depressed or hurt yourself. You can still talk to me if anything happens and there's nobody else to talk to. We are still friends, right? Happy birthday."


	5. Packing Up

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya.

* * *

><p><em>With Eirík.<em>

I walked into the kitchen just as the clock struck 6 and I have noticed that the others are already up and dressed while I'm standing there, wearing my pyjamas. Lukas was sitting at the table reading the paper when he was the first to notice my presence and looked at me. "Morning, Eirík."

I nodded and sat by him, taking a breath. "I decided."

"You have?" He didn't sound doubting or surprised. He just turned to face me.

"Mmhm… I decided to go to Sweden to attend that school…" I kept my eyes on his expression to see if there's any sadness or regret, but he expressed neither and smiled slowly.

"Good idea," said Lukas and he drank some coffee. Just then a plate appeared in front of me as Berwald sat down too with his own plate. The bacon, eggs and toast smell really amazing, my mouth was watering at the sight of glistening egg white and the sizzling sound from the hot bacon.

"Thanks, Berwald," I thanked him and smiled and I picked up a knife and fork.

I found out why it's so quiet in the kitchen. Last night Matthias apparently went to go drinking at the pub down the road and came back late, sleeping on top of Berwald's car. Berwald went out in the night because he didn't know where he went and he found him lying there, so he dragged him upstairs and rested him in the bath. Even though he was there, Lukas slept with me the whole night. I didn't dream of anything, but I never had such a good sleep in ages before.

While I ate with Lukas and Berwald, Matthias moaned when he stumbled into the room wearing only his boxers.

"I hate you, Ber! Why did ya have to put me in the bath?! I was cold!" he whined and hugged Berwald from behind, sagging his arms over his chest.

He was unfazed from being hugged by a near-naked guy and he ate another toast. "I did ya some breakfast, but y' should microwave it."

Lukas chuckled quietly and Eirík noticed, smiling greatly.

* * *

><p><em>With Berwald.<em>

It was great seeing Eirík smiling. It was even better because it was after he said he'll live with me to go to my old high school. That reminded me. I need to talk to him about where I live at.

So it was after he washed the dishes, singing with Lukas, that I approached him and asked to talk to him in private. He nodded and followed me outside on the veranda.

"So what do you need to tell me?" Eirík asked, looking up at me.

"It's about my home… I don't have my own house, I live in a flat and it only has one bedroom. But I do have a study room with a sofa in there you could nap on."

He watched me. "I don't mind as long as there's a room for me to study in…"

I nod. "Ja. The study room is perfect for you. I'll just buy a bed for you once I get the money aside."

"Okay…" he frowns. "Do you live in the city?"

"Ja, I do."

Eirík grimaced and looked out at the garden. "Oh…"

"Don't ya like city life?"

"Not really. I want to enjoy being outdoors somewhere to relax…" he murmured.

"There are a few forests outside the city, but they take quite a while to get to." At least this seemed to cheer him up a little. All of a sudden, I want to do things to make him smile like earlier.

"The high school requires their students to know basic English and Swedish. Are you alright with learning Swedish?" I asked him and he nodded. His English is perfect. It's like Lukas has been preparing him his whole life by learning English.

"The school doesn't start until September, so we have a good couple of weeks to teach you some basic Swedish," I said and he nodded again automatically. I reach over and held his hand, snapping his attention to me with some shock. I let go. "Sorry."

"D-don't be…"

The door behind us slid open and Lukas was there, holding a tray with mugs of coffee. "More coffee, anyone?"

I saw a pink blush in Eirík's cheeks, but I don't know what to make of that as I took a mug and sipped fresh hot coffee.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary.<p>

So Berwald said I'll have to sleep on the sofa in his study since his flat has only one bedroom. Oh well.

So Berwald said that the school required a standard level of Swedish, even though I never spoke a lick of the language before in my whole entire life, but he says he'll teach me. Oh well.

So Berwald lives in the city quite far from anything resembling nature. Damn it all.

So far it's starting to look bad, but at least Berwald is nice… right? I mean, without saying or asking anything he just held my hand and I gave him a scared look that made him apologise and let go. It was kinda mean of me to say in an earlier diary entry that he takes boys in their beds before horribly murdering them, but I can't help but wish he did that… "take" me, I mean.

Plus, I just realised from re-reading my diary entries that I seemed to ache to be around him. He's a handsome guy. I heard Lukas mention something about him being a manga artist, so he must be a talented artist as well. Yeah… and that incident when I fell on him while being almost-naked made me feel hot deep down…..

Oh god. I just realised it now. I want to be in his pants, and I only just met him. And I'm going to live under the same roof as him.

Excuse me while I go scream in my pillow.

Eirík.

* * *

><p>Dear Journal.<p>

I think I made Eirík uncomfortable…

Maybe I shouldn't have held his hand. It was only to calm him down, but later I heard Matthias laugh hard because he said he heard Eirík shout in his pillow, something about cursing "stupid sexy Swedes!"

What is he on about?

Berwald.

* * *

><p><em>Dear diary.<em>

Soon after I got back downstairs from getting changed and washed, Berwald told me that we're leaving for Sweden in a couple of days. He would've left much later, but his boss had called him about some deadline he missed. I panicked at first and got mad because it means I only got 2 days to get all my stuff ready and packed to move out, but then Berwald explained about his deadline.

So now I'm busy sellotaping cardboard boxes and sealing contents of my possessions inside them, ones that I think I'll need at first when I go to Sweden. Lukas said he'll pack my other stuff and mail them before he moves to Denmark. I'm keeping this diary in my backpack though along with my passport. Lukas is staying in Norway for longer because he hasn't gotten a passport before, and Matthias is paying for it.

In a few hours I managed to box up all my stuff in my bedroom. Lukas said he'll sell my old bed and a couple of other old furniture that'll just take up space in Matthias's house, but it's kind of a bummer since my bed is the comfiest I've slept in. Sleeping on Berwald's sofa doesn't sound really appealing… I put some of my clothes aside to wear for later on.

Even though Lukas and Matthias didn't have to move to Denmark soon, they're making a start in tidying things up and throwing old stuff away. Berwald's helped out a bit, but then he was sitting at the kitchen table doing some writing to show his boss that he wasn't slacking off from his work.

Matthias goofed around and wore a bucket on his head and challenged Berwald to a jousting match with the use of the two old bicycles in the garden and a pair of sweeping brooms, but Lukas silently went by him and slammed a second bucket on his head, making him seeing stars and spinning brooms.

But now that things have gone a little active, I thought I'd be kept busy and not get bored, thinking of nothing but tidying and getting ready for school, but now I feel _bored_ with moving stuff around and packing up the ornaments and photograph albums. So that's why I'm sitting in my room writing in this. Afternoon has soon arrived and I could smell dinner being made downstairs. I better get going and do something like helping Lukas cook the dinner to save our kitchen from Matthias.

Eirík.

* * *

><p><em>With Eirík<em>

"You'd make a good wife someday."

I spluttered on my gravy and wiped my mouth with a tissue and glared at Lukas, who had made the comment. "What? You're not making any sense."

Matthias was too busy laughing his head off at my reaction to say anything legible and Berwald just looked at me.

"The lunch tastes brilliant, that's all," Lukas explained and carried on eating.

I grumbled. "It's only because you helped out… besides, I can only do microwave meals, and even then I can barely get the timing right on those without setting the microwave on fire!" It was only an exaggeration, but Matthias laughed even harder. "I suppose you can do better!?" I snapped at him but he still chuckled.

"Nope! I'm so crap at cooking, I can burn water!" he cackled. I sighed heavily and carried on eating, too hungry to take in his stupidity.

After a while of eating, I glance at Berwald and he looked down to eat more. Has he been staring at me? If so, how long did he look at me for? Why would he do that?

* * *

><p>AN: Short chapter, sorry, I got college tomorrow and I'm feeling like I have butterflies and snakes in my stomach ;;w;;


	6. Saying Goodbye

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya.

Note: I dedicate this chapter to a certain Dane, for checking out samples of this chapter before I even released it officially ^o^

* * *

><p>With Eirík.<p>

Well… it's my last night here in my home before I leave for Sweden with Berwald. We all spent the evening together watching TV and watching random programs in silence. Even Matthias was quieter than normal even though he tried to start conversations repeatedly with any of us. In the end he just gave up and went upstairs after giving Lukas a long kiss and said "see ya in the morning."

Didn't he mean "see ya in bed?" Nope. He somehow read Lukas's mind and knew he was going to do something else.

Most of the small things in the house are packed up, leaving the bigger furniture alone and in various places to make it easier to transport around, so the room feels very, very bare and uninviting. I was snuggled by Lukas's side the whole time as we were silently watching the tv, and I felt completely warm since the heating was turned off. It's going to be a cold night anyway. Hopefully the new owners of this house will get around to buying tough sealants for the holes in the window edges.

I stood up after a while of silence and murmured "good night" but then Lukas stood up too.

"Yes, let's go to sleep earlier… goodnight, Berwald," he said to the taller man lying on the sofa, but he was fast asleep, holding his journal to his chest and his pen was neatly resting in his other hand. So we went upstairs together, though he followed me into my room. I was about to protest, but I remembered that this will be the last time I see him for… months or even years…

I just got dressed in my pyjamas and slipped into my bed as I buttoned up the last buttons on my shirt and laid back before feeling Lukas hug me quietly as he, too, laid down and rested his head on the pillow besides me. I feel his warm breath against my hair and my arms wrap around his waist as I bury my face in his chest. He doesn't like sleeping with his shirt on for some reason, so he just hung it over my chair. I notice the faint red marks on his neck and looked away.

"Is something the matter?" He murmured softly. I shake my head.

"Doesn't it hurt a lot when he bites you?" I ask, far from caring whether he gets flustered or not (when he isn't being flustered, he keeps a cool look on his face).

"It does a little bit," he replies, "but… it feels good when he licks the marks afterwards."

I frown. "Seriously, why do you find pleasure in pain?"

"He doesn't BITE bite, he just nibbles the skin a bit."

What a liar. "But that one mark looks like its scabbing over…"

"That was accidental," Lukas said firmly, like he didn't want to press on with the matter. I was defiant though. Nobody hurts my brother.

But Lukas spoke before I retorted. "I enjoy it. That's all. You might find a boyfriend who'll like the same kind of thing."

I grimaced. "I got zero chance of getting a boyfriend. Or even a girlfriend. In fact, I'd rather not go out with anyone."

"Why not?" Lukas asked, rubbing our noses together and I laughed slightly. "You're really cute and smart as well. What girl or boy doesn't want that?"

"Well they'd want someone with more muscles than brawn and money as well."

"Those kind of people deserve to die if they'd rather choose someone for their looks and wealth. You'll make a fine husband." His hand stroked my hair, but I didn't wriggle out of his hug.

"Well… I guess you'll make a fine husband to Matthias then," I commented. Lukas snorted and chuckled.

"That oaf doesn't think much of marriage to be honest. I don't have to marry him to show much I love him, I know he loves me enough anyway," he explained.

I felt him shiver before he pulled the duvet more tightly around us.

"What about… children…?" I asked, wondering. I know it's impossible for two guys to conceive, but there's always adoption or surrogacy…

Lukas had an odd glint in his eye when I said that. "It's a bit too soon to talk about having kids around, but I like the idea…"

I can't imagine Lukas as a motherly figure. He's really neat and prim and tidy, he wouldn't want a small child running around making a mess of the house. He'd be driven crazy enough as it is, nevermind Matthias and his beer can-mountain messes! Plus Lukas hates it when someone drops crumbs on the floor and he gets the vacuum out to hoover it up no matter what time of the day or night it is. He's too much of a neat freak to have children around. But… around babies, I have seen him with a strange, gentle smile that he can only use when he's around toddlers or kids. And I liked the way he laughs softly when a neighbour comes to ask him for advice on something and their kid chats with Lukas, sometimes he gave them a piggy-back ride and made the kids happy. I remember when he used to do that with me. Back then, I always shrieked happily and screamed that I'm on top of the world with the best big brother ever…

I yawned and Lukas smiled softly. "Go to sleep now, Eirík, you'll need your rest…"

My eyes closed as I murmured; "Please stay with me…"

He understood what I meant by the way he moved closer to me and hugged me tightly. "I love you, Eirík."

I sniffed, breathing in his comforting scent. "I… I love you too, brother…"

So our last night together ends like this: us sleeping together in comfort and saying how much we love each other. I couldn't have asked for a better way to end the night though. Matthias is damn lucky to have Lukas as his lover, he better treat him right or I'll swim over the sea and tear his face off. For now, I'll just give Matthias the benefit of the doubt. From here on out, I'll be on my own without family. Berwald seems like a nice guy. I just hope that I can get along with him without having any romantic attachments to him…

Because once you fall in love with someone who is looking after you, it'll be almost impossible to separate yourself from them to go back to your family. But now… I think I already fell for him. And I can't see myself leaving Lukas at all…

It was giving me a huge headache, but the longer I lay there in the aura of warmth that Lukas is emitting, the more soothed my mind felt and I finally slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

><p>With Eirík.<p>

The sun peeked over the horizon, and I miraculously woke up at the same time as Lukas as he sat up and stretched, yawning. I smiled at his messy hair and then he smiled too, ruffling my hair and I complained, but I laughed as well.

The morning was rushed and fast as we packed the last few things into the living room, leaving the heavy furniture where they are for later collection, and we all had some breakfast together.

Matthias was joking around because Berwald got pains in his back from sleeping awkwardly on the sofa all night, so now he's got a hot water bottle pressed against his lower back while he sat in his seat.

But the joke was on Matthias when he sneezed and he used up half the box of tissues. Berwald had a sly smile as he ate some cereal while Matthias had another sneezing frenzy. Lukas wasn't sleeping with him last night so he didn't have any bodily warmth to keep that annoying Dane warm. I would've caught a cold if it wasn't for Lukas. I owe him one now.

Later on, Berwald helped pack my stuff into the boot of his large car. I helped him too since I wanted to do something useful and we had the job done in no time. I got my backpack too, with things that I want instant access to like my diary and pens and pencils. My mobile is charged up too in case of emergency and it's in the side pocket along with a bottle of water.

…It was all very quick. As soon as we finished and I got my jacket zipped up, Lukas walked over to me and kissed my forehead before pulling me into a hug, murmuring in my ear. "Don't hesitate to call me if you ever want to come home with me."

I hugged him tightly. "I promise…" That's the thing. Right now, we have no home. My idea of "home" is being with Lukas, but now my home will be with Berwald. He's still a stranger to me. It's scaring me more than I'm letting on. "I promise I'll call you if things don't work out…"

Lukas nodded and our hug broke for the last time. The warmth has died as soon as the icy air hit the vacuum that's between us.

I looked at him as I walked to Berwald's car, opened the passenger door, but Matthias almost bowled me over when he hugged me tightly, yelling.

"Call your brother if you're ever upset with living with scary-ass Berwald!" he sniffed tearily. "I'll see you as my son if you want to—"

I pushed him off quickly, but I thought of something important and I held his hand, shaking it hesitantly. "I-I will… Uhm… please take good care of Lukas…"

Matthias grinned like an idiot. "I'll take great care of him no matter what! I'll even break my own neck if it's to help him out!" I heard Lukas sigh, but he had a fond smile on his face.

I couldn't help but laugh a little and I sat down on the car seat and shut the door. Berwald watched me put my seatbelt on before I nodded at him.

"You sure about all this?"

I gave him a long look of consideration. After going this far?

"…I'm ready."

No. I'm not about to turn back now.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry I took so long… Aaand this is the ending of the fanfic here.

I'm thinking now of starting a whole new story featuring Eirík and Berwald, and another fanfic featuring only Lukas and Matthias and their life together when they move out.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for supporting me with your amazing comments, and I promise to make the new stories as great as possible! Updates are more frequent thanks to my new time-management system, and of course, the encouragement you guys are giving me is making it all work out.

I'll see you soon, I love you all, because it's NOT the end of my fanfic-writing spree on xxx


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